Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Not Me Monday! On not Monday Tuesday.

Welcome to Not Me Monday!
Free therapy brought to you courtesy of
Hop on over to see what she and all the other
moms have not been doing this week.
(Sorry this is late...We had another visit to the
pediatrician Monday {Noah does have an ear infection,
and his eyes and nose are just POURING snot!}
and after being gone most of the day,
I was too busy and then just too tired!!)

While driving in the car the other day, we were not
totally jammin to Single Ladies by Beyonce.
Ashton did not look at me, dead serious, and say,
"Is she saying, 'I'm a Chevrolet?'"
I did not almost drive off the road laughing.
(Don't know the song? Go back and watch this
post. It's the song the baby is dancing to. She
actually says, "All the single ladies" over and over.)

Noah's potty training is on again, off again, but when
when we're 'on' he doesn't say the funniest stuff!!
The other day we'd been sitting there for about 15
minutes with nothing happening and I was trying to
rush him along. He grabs his whacker, stares at it
a minute, looks at me shaking his head and says,
"I fink da baddewies dest runned out!"

Another time, he pulled his whacker up and pointed
to his scrotum and said,
"Mommy, what's dis?"
After a moment trying to remember what we
call them (cause, ya know, it's all about consistency when you're
teaching your kids the wrong names to call their
private parts!) I finally just said,
"That's your scrotum."
He looked at me like I had lost my mind.
"Noooooo, dat not my FWOTOM!!"

I was not on the phone the other night with a friend
that I don't get to chat with very much. She did not
call to pick my brain for all my useless wonderful
Disney knowledge. I am not a virtual well of still
useless all-things-Disney knowledge. I do not love
going to Disney, and helping friends plan fantastic,
fun family trips!

Since I never had that phone conversation, and I never get
caught up on the phone and forget to check on my little
ones for more than a few minutes at a time, I was
certainly not still on the phone when the following
story didn't happen.

I realized that Noah was, once again, sans diaper.
I went into the living room to re-diaper him when I
was assaulted by much foul odor. Though I have blocked
much of it from my memory, I think this is pretty much
what went down:

"Noah, why don't you have on a diaper?"
"And why does the living room REEK of poo-poo??"
"And what's that all over the couch???"
"OMGOSH!! Did you seriouly wipe poop all over
the couch????"
"AND THE RUG?????"

I'm pretty sure that by this time my voice had escalated
to decibels that only dogs could hear. My friend was
laughing her butt off expressing her sympathy, though,
so even if she couldn't understand what I was saying anymore,
she certainly understood what was going on.

The worst part was that when I picked up the diaper,
there was NO POOP RESIDUE IN IT. Yep.
He totally took his diaper off, took a poop, and smeared
it across half the living room and let his sister play in
it too!! (I'm wondering about the whole
'teach them to share' thing now.)

I finally took a deep breath
(through my mouth-the smell was RANK)
and told my friend,
"I think I need to get off the phone now and clean my
kids and living room up. I'll talk to you later."

She was laughing so hard she was only able to screech out
"Ok! I can't wait to read your blog this week!!!"

And THAT, my friends, is what
this week.
P.S. Be watching for a giveaway the end of the week!



Tracy said...

It took me a minute to figure out what "baddawies" are but when I did, I laughed out loud. You have the funniest stories. LOL!!!

Meghan said...

Holy Poop Sculpting! Wow!!! Ummm...new couch?

He & Me + 3 said...

That is just crazy I would have had a high pitched voice too. HOLY C-RAP BATMAN! LOL

Five Moms & A Blog said...

So glad that never happened! Because that would be awful! Oh yes, I remember my little guy fingerpainting his crib with it one day. I can still smell it, lol!

~ Nan

Kelli @ RTSM said...

We have been having poop issues at our house this week too! Eli can't seem to stop pooping and I can't tell you how many times I have changes his crib sheet this week! Lucky he hasn't gotten it anywhere else though!!

Foursons said...

Ugh. YUCK!!!! Nolan calls his scrotum his kiwi's. No idea where he got that from!

christy rose said...

That is one of the funniest stories I have ever read here in blogland. I read your whole 'Not Me' post to my family and we all laughed so hard.

E @ Scottsville said...

Oh Jen, I'm still TRYING to get caught up on blogs. I've been so busy lately...

Just came over and got to reading. The poop story is awful and funny all at the same time!!!

Ugggh, the things we mommies go through.